You know, I always thought when the kids were little that life would get easier when they got older. I was so wrong. It is not only more difficult, it's difficult in so many new ways. I used to think that I'd finally get sleep when they were older. I wouldn't have to worry about SIDS. Mind you, I would nightly check them, all three of them. When my then 8 yr old son complained to his Dr. about me waking him up checking his breathing, the Dr. informed me that SIDS really didn't occur much beyond the first year of life, I started slacking off. Now I lie awake wondering if they really did stay at their friends house and with whom and doing what exactly. I used to say things like "Do it now or we stay home." and that meant something. Now they look at me and respond with "o.k., we stay home." When their friend up the street had a house party (unchaperoned) that included beer, wine and other stuff (as well as pot), and the cops showed up and busted everyone, I was thrilled that my sons were not there. They were at another friends house but I can't swear they were being good kids. I hope so. I pray so. But I know not. Many times my middle son and I have argued over the merits of legalizing marijuana (he is for, I am against), why there must be a drinking age at all, and that it his body to use and abuse (or not) and just because I am his parent, just how much say should I have anyway?
I made you. I felt you stir first. I knew you before anyone else. When you went into fetal distress and your heart stopped, it was I who overcame the odds to get you out of my body so that CPR could begin. It was your blue arm I remember seeing on that table while they worked on you. It was your first cry I heard that all but broke my heart with happiness. It was I that limited your access to sweets, t.v., the odd friend who had more freedoms that you did (and that he should have been allowed to have). It was I that drove you to absolutely every single game, concert, sleepover, Dr.'s appointment, and birthday party. It was I who held you while they set your broken arm. It was I who held you while they stitched you up. More than once. I have been with you almost always. So when you choose to do something that hurts or can potentially hurt your body, it is as if a small piece of me is being hurt as well.
When your kids are small, they argue but eventually bend to your reasoning. When they are older, they try to test your beliefs to see if you will bend and how long it will take and if you will loose your cool (yeah, like you EVER had cool to lose!). And yes, sometimes they try to get you all worked up, just to get you all worked up. My sons love to argue. They live for it. They will argue about anything and if there isn't anything to argue about, they'll make something up. For the longest time this was disturbing to me. When a family friend pointed out that they weren't arguing really, they were just trying out their opinions and learning how to state their beliefs and defend them, I started making them work for it. Being a past member of the debate team, I really started in on them. Give me 5 good reasons you feel this way, I'd say. I am not easy to argue with. I've noticed a decline in the amount of arguing going on in this house. Or maybe it's just volume control. We do loud REALLY, REALLY WELL! We've elevated it to an art form. O.k., some might confuse our conversations with yelling matches, but only the uninitiated. And I guess the hardest part of being a parent to a teen is realizing that your teen, your child, your baby, is pulling away from you and trying out their own wings. And that you have to let them, even if they fall, even if they have to take a bunch of attempts at lift off, you have to let them. And it scares the Hell out of you. My parents make so much sense now. When I was out of high school, I was convinced my parents were "nutcase of the year" recipients. My friends thought my parents were great, strict to the max, but great. I thought they were insane and secretly worried if it was in my DNA. Bad news, it was. Worse news, hey guys, you all have it. And when you have kids, well, let's hope that you wait a good, long time before that happens but believe me, you are going to look back on your dad and I and we are suddenly going to be so much smarter. I hope I am around to see it, although, again, I am in no hurry! Bill Cosby informed his kids that the woman they called Grammy wasn't the same woman that raised him, I can so relate! My mom smiles so much now! She NEVER smiled that much when I was a teen. Her twitching has gone away too. I jump at the slightest sound and twitch almost uncontrollably and she no longer does. She sleeps well at night too. So maybe when my kids are grown, married, and on their own, I will sleep too. Who knew it would take so long?
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